- Be filled with doubt. Cultivate it at every step, looking for reasons why you will fail, why your business plan won't work, why effort is fruitless and hopeless. People who are successful want that success, they dream about it, breathe it, live it in their minds over and over before it happens in real life. When successful people feel doubt trying to creep in, they stamp it out faster than a cockroach in their kitchen. No wonder why they succeed. If you're going to fail and fail big, you've got to be sure you're filled with self-doubt from the time you get up until you fall asleep at night.
- Be a vacillating slick willy. Don't stick to one plan. Do NOT make any decisions. Do not move in one direction – move in all directions at once. Buy every ebook and program out there on how to be successful online, and then don't even read them. If you do read them, bounce from one to the next without doing anything. Change your mind every week on your course of action. When you've mastered this, begin changing your mind every day. Aim to change your mind hourly, because this is the pinnacle of failure.
- Turn your obstacles into failures. Those stupid successful people are always taking their obstacles and turning them into triumphs. When their new website isn't cutting it, what do they do? Fix it until it's making sales, or start over and find a way to make it successful. That's crazy! And it's also more work, and who needs that? If you should accidentally actually DO something like build a new website, hope that it just sits there and gets moldy. That way you can heave a big sigh and say that “you tried” as you drown your sorrows in hops at the local pub.
- Reinvent the wheel. If there is already a proven method for accomplishing something, ignore that method and go invent a new one. For example, there are all sorts of ways to successfully drive targeted traffic to websites, and these methods are used everyday by millions of online marketers. Do NOT use these methods! Instead, invent an entirely new method. This will take up lots of your time and probably lots of your money, too.
- Indulge in plenty of delusions of grandeur. Your product is going to be the biggest thing since the iPod only it's going to be BIGGER because even the tribesmen of the rainforest will be buying this up faster than blow darts and you're going to get so much free publicity that Oprah is going to do a 1 hour prime time special just on you and your product and cripes, even your own MOTHER will love it, and she hates everything!
- Be careless. Sure your ghostwriter just submitted the new product to you – just go ahead and launch it without reading it, right? Of course! How else are you going to miss the glaring error on page 42, or the fact that she omitted the entire key section people are dying to read?
- Be lazy. Go watch TV, stay in bed, play video games, whatever. Just do NOT go to work on your business because you might actually accomplish something. Pity all those successful people who spend hours upon hours working on their business – no wonder why they are confined to making money, getting accolades and being successful. If they only knew how easy it is to fail they would just stop accomplishing stuff.
- Be sick. That's right – how can you succeed if you're sick all the time, right? So go ahead and eat that junk food. Stay up all night. Drink until you puke. And above all, do NOT exercise. Exercise is shown to increase your health in a thousand and one different ways, including making you THINK better.
And if you're thinking better, you're probably realizing this entire article has been utterly ridiculous – after all, you already know how to fail. Everyone knows that. And while it does take some effort to fail, it's well worth it. How else can you lay on your deathbed one day, wishing you'd achieved your goals instead of being a doubt-filled, vacillating, failure seeking, wheel reinventing, delusional, careless, lazy, sick, almost-was Internet marketer? Yes, there is a #9 – and that's to go do the OPPOSITE of all the opposites I just wrote about. Success isn't hard – you just need to get busy NOT doing all the things we've just covered here. https://www.iworkfromafrica.com/9-ways-to-be-certain-youll-fail-in-internet-marketing/?feed_id=2282&_unique_id=63ba0d20a3dbd
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