Why You Should Never Give a Tanzanian Woman your Credit Card

So 2015 is off to a good start. I feel pretty good about the choices I have made so far. Yes I know. Its only February.  So today I was thinking about the decisions NOT to make this year that I made in 2014. As I pondered and reminisced any poor decisions I had made, I realized that most were made under the influence of Vodka.  Which is why you will not catch me dead drinking Absolute, Smirnoff, Ketel, Svedka or even Belvedere.  There is even Vodka called “Zombie Apocalypse”.  That should send you a message. Bad shit happens when you drink Vodka .In fact, if you know anyone who is still drinking vodka and has not had to raise bail money, you should tell him to stop drinking that shit with immediate effect! Vodka is the reason why women fail pregnancy tests, the reason why men wake up with black eyes and Mercedes SUVs collide with the neighbor’s mailbox somewhere in Allen, Texas. Sorry Musyoki, no one bought that story about the mailbox growing legs and colliding with your Benz. Anyways, I have eliminated half of the bad decisions I will make this year by quitting Vodka. I have instead switched to Crown Royal. We shall examine the validity of that decision next year. However, there is one mistake I made in 2014 that was not made under the influence of any alcohol. In fact, calling it a mistake is an understatement. It was a blunder of magnanimous proportions. My friend, I gave a Tanzanian woman my credit card. Not just any credit card. I gave her my American Express.

To clear the air, I have no beef with the daughters of Nyerere. These fine species of women are what my Christian Union teacher Mr. Aluha used to call, “wonderfully and fearfully made” . You see if a woman brings you closer to the almighty by reminding you of that verse in Psalms 139, then you know you are in trouble. Not every woman is beautiful. Some are..how should I say this-handsome. Tanzanian women are beyond the threshold of beautiful. These daughters of Mwalimu Nyerere are a sight to behold. Gorgeous, to the point of eclipsing their sisters to the North and West.  When a Tanzanian woman speaks, time stops. The earth stops rotating in its own axis and the galaxy’s activities are brought to a halt. These silver tongued devils know how to drive men to the brink of insanity with their captivating Swahili. Pure sorcery I tell you! READ MORE